i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize