I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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