No awkward lesbian experiences without me
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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