Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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