if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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