Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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