remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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