It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
