you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
