Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Well I just put wine in my tea
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
