oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
