I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Non-Jews are for practice
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize