I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
