i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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