I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
