I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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