I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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