I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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