i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
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My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
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I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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