Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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