I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
