The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
