"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
