My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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