I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Pooping to opera.
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