We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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