i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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