I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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