I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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