If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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