he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
