Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
