i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
