I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
