Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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