What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
