She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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