Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
