Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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