Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
