I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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