Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
