Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
