He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
