Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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