I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
