You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
