you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
