I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
