hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
