I'm lost and stupid without you.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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