yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
