College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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