he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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