Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
