My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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