Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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