Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
