i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
