my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
