she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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