I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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