mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
