So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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