You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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