trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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